Teenage road trip?
Imagine this scenario: Your teenage daughter casually
announces that she and her best friends are taking off on a weeklong
road trip for Spring Break. You listen in horror as she waxes euphoric
about "the freedom of the open road." She's dreaming of
a road trip movie: an exciting odyssey with a cast of new friends,
a thrillingly handsome leading man and no parents in sight. You,
on the other hand, are thinking Freddy Krueger. You can't shake
the idea that your lovely daughter will never return home.
Stop right there, and remember this truth about road
trips: Many are dreamed, but few are taken. This is true not only
for teenagers lusting for independence, but for would-be adventurers
of all ages. Who hasn't had the delicious idea of jumping
behind the wheel and leaving all cares behind?
So before you panic, wait and see if your teen's road
trip is just a passing fantasy. If, instead, it seems that a genuine,
tire-on-pavement plan is emerging, consider the following strategies
to preserve your teenager's safety -- and your own sanity.
1. Get past the fear. In my work as moderator
of The Great American
RoadTrip Forum, I have frequent dialogues with parents who are
terrified by the prospect of their kids hitting the road. Know that
your child is probably frightened, too, though she may choose not
to recognize that giddy sensation as fear. To help transform fear
into useful energy for both of you, try the "always ask, never
tell" technique: Instead of launching a salvo of rules and
demands, which would only create an instant confrontation, ask some
questions. For example:
- Where would you go?
- Who would you go with?
- Whose car would you take?
- Where would you stop?
- How would you pay for the trip?
- When would you be back?
- What are your goals for this adventure?
Planning a road trip is a lot more work than showing
up for a school field trip, and this realization may soon diminish
its appeal. It will certainly bring the trip down from the stratosphere
to a more realistic plane.
2. Follow a progression plan. Like any other
skill, independent traveling is best learned in steps. Teenagers
who have been given independence incrementally are far more capable
of taking a safe road trip than those who have never traveled without
their parents or been responsible for any travel planning.
A reasonable progression plan works something like
this. First the parents take a few short overnight trips without
the teenager to see whether she can handle herself without adult
supervision. Next, the parent and child take a daytrip together
and the child does most or all of the driving. The parent can observe
whether the driving skills of the child are up to the task of an
extended trip. (It can be useful to have any other would-be drivers
participate in this driving exercise as well.) In the next stage,
the teen goes on solo overnight trips to visit family or friends
who live out of town. After that, she takes a couple of weekend
trips. From there, it's fairly easy to progress to longer excursions
with a mutual comfort level.
As part of any progression plan, make sure your teen
learns basic road trip skills like how to read maps, how to make
motel reservations and how to call for roadside assistance. When
you take family road trips, make sure your teen helps plan the itinerary
and helps decide what sights to see. Then, when he sets out on his
first trip without you, have him take the Road
Trip Compatibility Quiz and encourage him to discuss the results
with his would-be travel mates.
3. Set up communications. I generally recommend
that you call your road tripper at a specified time each day. Alternatively,
you can arrange for your teen to call home every time she fills
up the gas tank (on most road trips this happens at least once a
day).
Cell phones make keeping in touch easy in some ways,
but frustratingly problematic in others. It's all too easy for a
kid to ignore your ring tone when he doesn't want to report on his
day's escapades. For this reason, it's wise to obtain the cell numbers
of some of your teenager's friends - i.e., kids who are not on the
trip. If you think you're being ignored and you really must get
in touch with your teen, have one of these friends place the call.
Unless your kid really is incommunicado, this technique should work
-- at least once!
4. Put safety first. Make sure that your teen has access
to the American Automobile Association (AAA) or another emergency
roadside service and that he knows how to obtain the services. Make
sure that everyone on the trip accepts and uses the buddy system
and that no one goes anywhere alone without at least one other person
knowing his plans.
Introduce the idea of "safety notes." Safety
notes are two or three sentences written on an index card or in
a designated notebook that briefly state the group's plans whenever
they are away from the car for a couple of hours or more. For example,
"Joe, Dean and I are meeting Jill and Larry at the Handlebar
restaurant and will be back at 10 p.m. Jill: 213-555-4378, Larry:
818-555-5675." The notes are left in the glove compartment
of the car. In the unlikely event that the road trippers do not
return to the car, law enforcement officers have an idea where to
start looking for them. I recommend that everyone -- whether
they are 17 or 99 -- leave a safety note when leaving a vehicle
to go hiking or biking in the backcountry.
5. Decide where to stay. Since the cost of any
trip is always a concern, I generally recommend that roadtrippers
of all ages plan a mix of motel rooms and camping for their overnight
stays. But I would also suggest that you encourage young road trippers
to have motel reservations for at least a couple of nights so you
can make sure they are progressing as planned and that everyone
is getting along. If they are under 18 years old, it can be challenging
for them to rent a motel room. These younger travelers may fare
better by staying with relatives or friends.
6. Brush up on the law. Just about every state
and province in North America has rules and regulations that affect
young travelers. Some municipalities enforce stringent curfews and
have varying definitions of the term "responsible adult."
Nearly every state prohibits underage individuals from driving other
youngsters during certain times of the day and night. Further, many
states are adopting laws that impose penalties on parents if their
children are involved in vehicular accidents. It is critical that
parents be aware of the differences in such rules when their children
cross state lines. Since most children are protected under their
parents' car insurance umbrella policies, it is important to ensure
that these policies will be enforceable if an accident occurs when
the parent is not on the trip.
7. Check your equipment. Make sure the road
trip vehicle has been checked out by a mechanic and that it is equipped
with a full complement of road
trip essentials. These items can be placed in plastic containers
and labeled as "Sanitary Supplies," "Food,"
"Safety Supplies," "Automotive Tools," etc.,
to make them easy to find in a hurry.
Also ensure that there are current and accurate maps
in the vehicle, and consider having the kids take a CB
radio and GPS receiver. Make sure the road trippers know how
to change a tire and make them do it in the driveway before they
leave. Ditto for tire chains if snowy weather is possible.
Finally, consider whether to equip the vehicle with
an embedded GPS device that would allow you to track the vehicle's
position in real time. I have field tested
some of these units, and they are remarkably accurate. But if
you feel you must monitor your child in this way, it may be better
to veto the trip in the first place. Knowing exactly where your
teenager is at every moment does not actually promote safety, and
it can easily heighten suspicion and increase anxiety. In my opinion,
it's better to wait until a child is ready for independent travel
and then keep in touch by traditional methods.
When I was a kid, I thought that every other kid took
road trips all the time. As an adult, I know that the actual incidence
of teenage road trips is very low. While parental anxiety is understandable,
preparing your teenagers to take independent road trips can be a
wonderful and memorable part of their journey to independence.
Mark
Sedenquist
March 19, 2006
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